Finalism: the end of all but beginning of most.

I take the word 'final' as it is, a concrete end or rather the last part of anything. Final exams- the end of a semester. Final pages- finishing a book or article. But if everything that is truly final is done, where does the new begin? I've recently discovered that in my life, what I like to call finalism, always means a new start. We are finalizing first semester to begin a fresh second semester. We are finalizing one term in BBYO to break in a new one. We are finalizing something everyday, every moment, in every breath we take. If not, how might we wake up each morning to a different tune. Tomorrow will always be: a new day. Finalism is what's eating me right now. It has me by the neck and is slowly wrapping itself around my very torso. The self gaining creature of pressure to end on a good note and fear of what will happen next is all over me.

And after much contemplation these last few days, I think I know why. It is time for me, and anyone else for that matter, to stop trying to look ahead or feel the doors close swiftly behind each step we take. Rather, we shall take the moment for what it is. I fear finalism. I find it much more comfortable, more enjoyable, to coast through time knowing what is going on. The middle of a semester- classes, teachers, grades, co-curriculars - not much changes. But the end! my gosh the end. A scary sight. But it shouldn't have to be. I think I will try to face my fear. I want to overcome the fear of endings and beginnings. My goal is to let change guide me.

The ol' saying sums it up: everything happens for a reason. Finalism is just g-d's way of letting the new begin. Change is what allows us to learn and experience life to its fullest capacity. As a favorite song of mine states, "If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday?" I know I couldn't if all I keep repeating is my fear of finalism. Tomorrow, I am facing my fear.

My Mama Day Memoir

As I read the novel Mama Day by Gloria Naylor I can't help but think to myself every other page, "dang this would be something interesting to blog about". Since I havn't had much time to blog, I have greatly missed reflecting on my day or a twisted question. So let's have at it.

1. "There is more to be known behind what the eyes can see".
I have never thought to myself when reading that anything has more truth than this statement. To say that seeing is believing, sure. Yes, if we see something for ourselves we must believe it's true. But, its remembering in the toughest situations that there is more than you can see. Too often I let my emotions get the best of me, and if only I had stopped to think about the reasons I was hung up and what else may be happening I would have saved myself much pain. Be careful of what you speak, for there is much unknown in how words can act. Be kind to your peers, for your actions may save their life or just put a smile on their face. My newest life motto: Just think, because you just never know everything.

2. "Only the present has potential, sir".
This line has deeply resonated with me lately. We can't change the past whether it's for the better or for worse. We can't predict the future. So why have our minds, bodies, and souls anywhere but the present... It's the only place to be. There are so many instances again, that I waste my energy, my self esteem, my emotions, my pride, or even my presence because I am trying to deal with the past or alter my future. But, I can't. I can only be in the now and be the best me in each breath I take; because that will leave me a past I am proud of and a future of opportunities.

the swarm of student council elections.

2 speeches, 10 posters, and an application later....
I have complete step one of the election process.

Step 2: give the speeches and hang posters

Step 3:VOTING TIME!!

I can do this!

here's a sampling of what I've done! Not all posters were pictured :(

It's amazing what warm weather can do.

Seriously Stevenson: the weather hits 66 degrees and immediately there's girls walking through the hallways in jean shorts and Uggs. There's more sunlight than we've seen in months and teachers feel the need to pile up homework to prevent us from being physically active outside. And, apparently as the temperature increases, crime rates do too. I guess spring just brings out the best in all of us. Anxiously awaiting summer and with spring break around the corner, I cannot wait to see what is in store. 14 weeks until I'm off to the beautiful and amazing Peru. A week in the Amazon, a week in the south east, a week in the mountains, and a week on an island in the middle of a lake - those will really be the memories.

Does it go both ways?

Someone once asked me: "Does happiness require love or mean love for that matter? And does it go the other way too?" To be happy, is to be excited and enthralled in your surroundings- to be consumed with positive energy and a desire to make others happy too. To answer the question does happiness mean love, I'd have to look at what makes me happy. My friends- they make me happy and I love them without a doubt. Ice cream- oh my favorite! I can't deny my love for ice cream. Getting the grades- happiness is an understatement when you receive the grade you deserve after hours upon hours of hard work, and I sure do love it when this happens. Warm, sunny days- the sense of happiness you feel as you ride your bike down the street, through the park, and around the corner... being outside and active instead of inside and bum-like. All of these things make me happy. And all of these things I love. To be honest I cannot think of anything that makes me happy that I do not love or cherish. But to answer the question does it go both ways; now that's a tricky one. I would have to say to much extent it does. When you love something, generally it brings you happiness. But what about the bad break up or the sick friend. You may love and cherish someone who doesn't necessarily bring happiness to you if their condition is unfavorable. You may love desserts, like me, yet you know in the back of your mind that it is not what you should be eating. Any who, I think it's safe to say happiness and love run hand-in-hand. Or at least, I hope they do. 

The Powerhouse Begins

So, it's been decided.

These next few weeks need to be an academic powerhouse. Full focus, full effort - these weeks will make or break so much. Take the junior research paper for instance; it's due thursday and worth much of my 6-week grade. My 6-week grade then affects my semester grade, and the semester grade affects my G.P.A. My G.P.A. then affects what schools I will get into and the scholarship money available to me. No pressure or anything... In english in addition to the essay we are reading "The Great Gatsby". It takes place in NY which very ironic.

In AP US history we are still working on projects on the home front preparations for WWII. And, in spanish class we are working on projects about spanish artists; my group has Salvador Dali. All of this in the midst of learning how to graph myriad calculus expressions, how to create motors and electromagnets, writing essays about and creating short choreography pieces, preparation for the Student Council event, spring fling, which I am the coordinator of, and so so so much more. To a healthy week, love love love, Jane 

Painful Bliss

There's nothing quite like waking up in central park to quaint cafes and a bright sun. Today started around 9:30, Ollie and I walked around the corner to Columbus Cafe and grabbed breakfast sandwiches and fresh squeezed orange juice. From there I was off to Steps on Broadway: a professional dance studio that offers walk-in classes and brilliant teachers. I took the 11:30 Contemporary Jazz class and danced among truly amazing dancers. The teacher was very friendly and impressed with my movement. There was something different about her choreography, something so inspiring and beautiful - different than anything else I've ever done. As I left the studio, I walked down Amsterdam ave. and enjoyed the warm weather. It reached 53 degrees today around 1:30 pm. Ollie and I came back to the house, showered, and dressed for a day on the run. Our afternoon began with a 15 minute subway ride to 42nd street: Time Square. We walked through the bright lights and odd displays to find M&M World... inside of the 3 story building was a wall of every color and flavor M&M in existence. Let me tell you, there was a plethora of colors to chose from. Our next stop was the Central Park Zoo. We walked about a mile through the zoo and on the other end was the Metropolitan Museum of Art. After making a $20 donation to enter the Met, we walked through the Roman sculpture exhibit, then the African history exhibit and onto the paintings of Picasso, Miro, Dali, etc. By then both Ollie and I were exhausted and had totaled over 7 miles of walking. So, we said goodbye to the Met and headed home. Sitting down on Ollie's bed had a whole new meaning to me just then. My feet were shaking and my knees were sore; but, I got to spend the day in NYC with my brother and that - that was bliss. 

Ollie's Building View From Central Park

Nasdaq in Times Square

73rd and Broadway - one block away from Steps

Tonights dinner - rice, beans, & vegetables made by Nicole (Peter's daughter-in-law)
Tonights festivities - UNC vs. DUKE basketball game 


Love, love, love,
Jane Samantha